Got Milk?

The most random things can happen to you when you go out to buy a pint of milk. A couple of years ago I popped to my local corner shop for a bottle and ended up coming home 3 hours later and $1000 poorer with a new guitar. Today I walked from Sarah's house in St Kilda down to her local shop and was stopped by a man and a woman in the street asking if I had a mobile phone. They asked me to call the police because they'd just seen a guy trying to throw a woman out of a first floor window, which is an unusual Easter Sunday tradition even for Australia. We looked up at the open window and could see no signs of life and there were no sounds coming from it either. Nor was there a dead woman on the pavement, so she must have still been inside.

I got my phone out and dialled 111.

Then I dialled 000 which is the correct number for the police in Australia.

After some really bad descriptions of the problem and our current location, the operator gave up on me and asked to be handed over to the person who had witnessed the event. I gave the phone to the girl who had approached me and she gave her first hand version of the attempted defenestration. The police said they were on their way so we hung up.

With hindsight, we must have hung up prematurely and cut them off in mid-sentence. When the operator said "we're on our way" what we were really hearing was a fragment of the statement "we're on our way... to the donut shop, and we'll be with you in half an hour". In that time the domestic moved from the first floor window down to the pavement - fortunately via the front door and not the 10 foot drop. The woman came running screaming out of the building with blood on her face and legs. The guy was following closely with blood on his fists and shirt. We stepped between the pair and the girl took refuge in the safety of the oncoming traffic on the main road. There was a tense standoff, but the guy calmed down when he saw my immense bulk and "crouching tiger hidden panda" karate readiness stance. Just as we diffused the situation and the guy was sauntering away, the police arrived. They'd probably been waiting round the corner watching from the comfort of the squad car and now it looked like it was safe to move in they stepped up to get all the glory.

I'd like to be able to tell you how the story ended, but i dont have that information. I was asked for a statement but didn't get the chance to give it because there were no officers in the Police Station who knew how to type on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday and I was off to Adelaide on Thursday. Domestic violence often has an unhappy ending, but it didnt look like the girl had any intention of going back to him and she seemed keen to press charges. I can make up a happy ending if you like. He went to prison for a very long time, she fell in love with a rich prince, the police got three different types of donut, and I got my pint of milk and had a lovely cup of tea.