It's a commonly observed phenomenon that whenever people travel abroad their voices get louder. I've been doing a bit of scientific research regarding the different nationalities and their various volume levels and I can now present the following statistics:
Top 5 Noisiest Nations
5. Germans - 85 decibels - comparable to a truck engine at high speed. It's not so much the volume that is a danger to the ears but rather the harshness of their consonants.
4. English - 92 decibels - about as loud as a heavy metal gig. Considerably louder when drunk and/or watching team sports. In foreign countries can be heard to shout English words louder when conversing with natives who do not speak a word of it. This is because of the mistaken notion that all people understand English if spoken loud enough and accompanied by unintelligible hand signals.
3. Dutch - 95 decibels - marginally louder than the British, but are just as loud when they're sober as when they're drunk. Also boisterous when watching team sports and/or when fighting with the English. The Dutch really are a crazy bunch.
2. Americans - 107 decibels - like the sound of a Boeing 747 during takeoff. Rarely seen outside America, though those that have passports contravene several international laws pertaining to noise pollution. Fortunately the American tourist is a rarity in the antipodes as the US Department of Cartography has only mapped the globe as far as Hawaii.
1. Canadians - 115 decibels - About as loud and as piercing as pneumatic drill going through concrete. The genetic predisposition for loud conversation evolved as a mechanism for communicating with each other over vast Canadian plateaus and towering mountain ranges. Advanced study has shown that Canadians use a form of subsonic resonance that is similar to that used by whales. Never entice a Canadian to shout if you wish to avoid perforated ear drums.
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3 comments:
Justification: Canadians need to be loud in order to compensate for our inferiority complex concerning our neighbours to the south. Either that or our beer is too strong.
Vicki, the more Canadians i meet, the more your voice seems like quiet, lilting birdsong... (albeit quiet, lilting, birdsong that can shatter wineglasses from 50 metres...)
I am offended that you left out Israelis. How could you?
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