Australia Zoo

Australia Zoo is one of the biggest tourist attractions in Queensland, which is in part down to the fact that it is home to "Mr Crikey" himself - Steve "The Croc Botherer" Irwin. For those of you not familiar with him, Irwin has rapidly become something of a superstar around the world for wrestling animals that normal men would be running away from. It may be fair to describe him as not being the sharpest tool in the shed, but what he lacks in intellectual acuity he makes up in enthusiasm, courage and tireless self-marketing. In fact I suspect that he's probably a lot sharper than he appears, and that his moronic gawping is part of his carefully constructed stage persona intended to give him an air of neandertal ruggedness. After all nobody wants to hear him to give an extensive discourse on the crocodilian reproductive cycle, they want him to shout "Crikey, that's a big croc! Let's jump on him!" then leap on its back and lash it up with ropes.

So crowds in tens of thousands trek to Australia Zoo each day to watch the gladiatorial spectacle of men wrestling with crocodiles, tigers, snakes and parrots. And every day tens of thousands of people leave with a sense of wonder at the courage of the performers, but also leave a little disappointed that no one got eaten in front of their expectantly whirring camcorders.

On Wednesday I decided I was going to be one of those happy customers and would catch the train up to the zoo at Beerwah. I didn't want to see anyone lose an arm or anything serious (I'd forgotten my camcorder), but maybe just see them get a little nip from a croc to remind them what the true order of the food chain is. But when Wednesday came I overslept and the pool looked so inviting so i sat by that instead. I resolved to go the next day, so on Thursday I got up extra early and arrived at the railway station at the crack of 10:15. The man in the ticket office didn't have good news for me and told me that I'd left it too late. By the time i'd caught the next train, travelled to Beerwah, then transferred to the zoo it would be past 1:30 and by that time most of the star performers would already have been eaten. I gave up on the zoo for that day and amused myself in the Queensland Museum and the excellent art gallery next door. I'd go to the zoo on Friday I decided, and picked up a brochure from the tourist information to consolidate the fact.

Tourism starts early in Australia (the train that I needed to get left at 8:06am).
This tourist starts late.
There's clearly some incompatibility here that needs to be resolved but I'm not sure whether either party is going to budge. I made a token effort this morning to watch the time on the bedside clock tick past the hour i should be getting up, but neither my mind or my body was willing and i turned over and had another snooze.

Maybe this afternoon I'll sit by the pool and cut out the little crocodiles from the Australia Zoo brochure and make them eat a little cut-out Steve Irwin....

I've booked a two day 4WD tour of Moreton Island for Tuesday next week, which happens to start at 7am. I made sure that I booked one where they pick you up from your apartment, and I gave them instructions that if I'm not there waiting outside at 6:55 they may break down the door and drag me down to the Land Rover by force...

We'll see...


ps... this is a kangaroo that took a fancy to me at the Koala sanctuary, which you can tell by the provocative way she's sitting: