Dangerous Mammals

Just about everything in Australia can kill you. It's home to 9 out of the 10 most venomous snakes in the world and to almost all of the deadliest spiders too. In the sea you can be eaten by sharks, poisoned by the blue ringed octopus, dragged out to sea by fearsome rip tides then stung to death by box jellyfish. Australia is also home to 8 out of the 10 most potent alcoholic drinks.

Knowing that it's such a risky place, it was with great trepidation that I made my way up the Brisbane river to meet one of Australia's most deadly mammals - the koala.

After sleeping for 20 hours a day, the koala wakes up to go on a wanton forest rampage, moving at lightning speeds of up to 3 feet per hour. His razor sharp teeth can cut through leaves like they were cutting through... well, leaves. His claws are strong enough to grip on to the branches of trees until he goes to sleep and falls off. They smell pretty bad too.

And I was going to get to cuddle one.

Fortunately animal handlers were on hand to make sure that the koala didn't go crazy and start eating children or anything. As you can see from the photo, when it was my turn for a cuddle the little bastard went straight for my nipples and gave me a full on "nipple gripple". He also wiped his bum on my nice white t-shirt.

We're going to a "bush tucker" restaurant this weekend.
Koala steaks all round...